Darksiders II is the worst game about equestrianism (and the best adaptation of The Neverending Story) I’ve ever played in my entire life. It should be explained, to its credit, that it was never INTENDED to be a game about equestrianism, but I feel as though they’re ignoring a certain element to the game that could blow up like the next Johann Sebastian Bach, and Bach was off the hook, yo. That guy was crunk to the max. He got all the ladies, and Darksiders II could be swizzeet like that. I mean it does star a “horseman,” so is it really too much to ask for just a little dressage in there? Maybe some steeplechase?

If you take Darksiders II as the game it was designed to be, and not the crashing and burning of your dreams for a realistic, AAA harness racing game, it comes out pretty well actually. Taking place in the interim between the prologue of the original Darksiders, the story follows War’s brother horseman, Death, who plods about the ethereal realms attempting to wrangle War’s pardon from the council of balance. His initial thought is to resurrect the human race. D’awww… we love you too, Death.

The improvements to the Darksiders format are visible almost immediately, with it becoming glaringly obvious that Vigil Games has decided to steer the course of the series more in adjunct with the RPG elements that fell largely unused in the first game. An inventory system makes an appearance, with equippable main weapons, secondary weapons, armor, greaves, etc., each with their own statistic bolstering and some with special abilities. You’ll find them in chests about the game, often dropped by enemies of higher caliber than your run of the mill, mouth breathing mook, and each one will change the appearance of Death in-game; a touch that often goes excluded, but seldom unappreciated when it isn’t.

'… and that's not all. I got these Scythes of Ultra-Burny-So-Hot-Your-Face'll-Fall-Off on sale. AT WALMART.'

It’s not just the vision of Death that’s received a makeover either. Darksiders II drags the player to a wide variety of locations, exposing us to plenty of colors, a cavalcade of design choices, resulting in a remarkably more varied game than its predecessor. The level designs are decent, even if the later game under-uses some of its more entertaining gimmicks that exploit the creative settings.

The gimmicks in question are an interesting separation as well. Most dungeon crawler action/RPGs have a tendency to stay pretty close to their established formula, with the best of them changing just enough to keep players interested without making the game feel like a completely different franchise or entity. Darksiders II does a fantastic job of this. Anybody who has played the first (or indeed most any hack and slash RPG) will take to it pretty easily, barring a few alterations to the basics. For example, there is no double jump–a weird feature in a game if I’ve ever seen one. I’ve just never been able to understand why characters can spontaneously hurl themselves higher in the air simply by rolling. What’s more is that the gliding wings from the original are gone too. A few of the touches come as VERY welcome, such as Death’s climbing speed being at least somewhat faster than War’s ABILITY TO TRAVERSE DISTANCE SLOWER THAN BACTERIA SPREADS ACROSS A PETRIE DISH. I should clarify on that, I’m not talking to scale, but 1:1 millimeters here.

C'thul-ME? Nah, nah, nah… C'thul-YOU.

Many people tend to compare Darksiders to a Zelda style of play, but this new entry feels as though they’re shoving the direction slightly more into the realm of the Legacy of Kain games. The protagonists, while similar enough, retain enough difference to distinguish the two games as individual and specific efforts. True, the addition of numbered statistics (such as defense, arcane, resistance, strength, etc.) pushes it closer to more dedicated RPG fare, but these stats go largely unexplained or illustrated for the game. The only discernible difference is the damage numbers that pop up above monster heads à la Borderlands that got so annoying, so fast, I had to turn it off in an overly dramatic huff not ten minutes into the game.