Duke Nukem Forever Satirical DLC Announced
Apparently this game feels comfortable mocking the likes of its arguably superior contemporaries. Clearly Duke lacks self-awareness where it counts.
Duke Nukem Forever
Players: 1 Player Offline, Unknown Online Players
Publisher: 2K Games
Genres: First-person Shooter
Publisher: 2K Games
Genres: First-person Shooter
Release Date: June 14, 2011
Developer: Gearbox Software
MSRP: $59.99
Developer: Gearbox Software
MSRP: $59.99
Put on your shades and prepare to step into the boots of Duke Nukem, whose legend has reached epic proportions in the years since his last adventure. The alien hordes are invading and only Duke can save the world. Pig cops, alien shrink rays and enormous alien bosses can't stop our hero from accomplishing his goal: to save the world, save the babes and to be a bad-ass while doing it.The King arrives with an arsenal of over-the-top weapons, non-stop action, and unprecedented levels of interactivity. This game puts the pedal to the metal and tongue firmly in cheek. Shoot hoops, lift weights, play pool, draw crude messages on whiteboards or check out the babes that occupy Duke's life - that is if you can pull yourself away from destroying alien invaders. With hours and hours of over-the-top single player action, and a range of bodacious multiplayer modes, rest assured knowing the fun will last.
Duke Nukem Forever Satirical DLC Announced
Posted By Vincent C.R. about 9 months, 3 weeks ago
E.D.F.! E.D.F.! E.D… Wait, Duke wishes he was cool enough to mock that game.
Duke Nukem Forever will be receiving its first major DLC pack in the near future, which will add three new gameplay modes, four maps, and four weapons, all based on those from other games. Titled “Hail to the Icons,” the pack includes content that parodies the likes of Call of Duty, Halo, Doom, and Team Fortress 2. The gameplay modes included are Freeze Tag (in which players attempt to freeze and shatter one another exclusively), Hot Potato (in which, contrary to the notion of the title, players attempt to hold onto a flag for long periods of time), and Hail To The King (no-frills free-for-all).
The DLC is slated to arrive in the fall, but players from California will be able to try out the content early through an event being held at 2K Games’ Novato headquarters on Thursday, August 4. Check out the 2K Games Blog for more details.
I suppose that big Duke fans (if any exist at this point) will be happy to see this pack get released, as it is sure to bring the sort of tongue-in-cheek humour that the series was previously notable for. However, I feel that it’s also akin to breaking that rule heard about in the likes of film and television reviews, the one that says a film/TV show shouldn’t reference a better film/TV show lest it make the audience want to watch something else. With Team Fortress 2 being free to play now, I suspect that most gamers will scoff at the idea of paying for a modified version of it based on an arguably inferior title, but I’m not a fan of Duke, so perhaps there’s some appeal to this idea that I’m missing. By all means, let your thoughts on the subject be known in the comments.
Information via 2K Games Blog.
Duke Nukem Boobs Trailer Trash
Yep, we know that everyone has to wait again for Duke.....assholes... but they gave us this trailer full of boobies and we also show the funny vid they did for the announcement of the date being pushed back.
Duke Nukem Forever First Impressions
Duke Nukem Forever is FINALLY being released in a little over a Week. So what can we learn from the Demo?
Duke Nukem Demo
Handsome Tom and Camera Man Joe walk through the new Duke Nukem Forever Demo. Are you ready to get some?
Duke Nukem is AWESOME! ...but his game is AWFUL!
We went into this episode with a LOT of bias. Bias that was in FAVOR of the Duke Nukem Forever. Watch as our excitement turns into confusion then to anger, and finally depression. This is a sad day for gaming, and the possible end of Duke Nukem... forever.
Sage Reviews: Duke Nukem Forever
Only Duke Nukem can be in a game so underwhelming, and still be so cool.
Duke Nukem Forever Angry Review
After many delays, rewrites, and graphical upgrades Angry Joe finally releases his review for Duke Nukem Forever. Should you always bet on Duke?
Duke Nukem Sketch Master
Orlando gives us this week's Duke Nukem and Babes!
Duke Nukem Forever Angry Review
After many delays, rewrites, and graphical upgrades Angry Joe finally releases his review for Duke Nukem Forever. Should you always bet on Duke?
Sage Reviews: Duke Nukem Forever
Only Duke Nukem can be in a game so underwhelming, and still be so cool.
Duke Nukem is AWESOME! ...but his game is AWFUL!
We went into this episode with a LOT of bias. Bias that was in FAVOR of the Duke Nukem Forever. Watch as our excitement turns into confusion then to anger, and finally depression. This is a sad day for gaming, and the possible end of Duke Nukem… forever.
Duke Nukem Forever First Impressions
Duke Nukem Forever is FINALLY being released in a little over a Week. So what can we learn from the Demo?
Duke Nukem Demo
Handsome Tom and Camera Man Joe walk through the new Duke Nukem Forever Demo. Are you ready to get some?
Duke Nukem Forever Demo Date Announced
It’s time for another special message from Gearbox President Randy Pitchford.
Duke Nukem Forever Satirical DLC Announced
Apparently this game feels comfortable mocking the likes of its arguably superior contemporaries. Clearly Duke lacks self-awareness where it counts.
Duke Nukem Forever Angry Review
After many delays, rewrites, and graphical upgrades Angry Joe finally releases his review for Duke Nukem Forever. Should you always bet on Duke?
Sage Reviews: Duke Nukem Forever
Only Duke Nukem can be in a game so underwhelming, and still be so cool.
Duke Nukem is AWESOME! ...but his game is AWFUL!
We went into this episode with a LOT of bias. Bias that was in FAVOR of the Duke Nukem Forever. Watch as our excitement turns into confusion then to anger, and finally depression. This is a sad day for gaming, and the possible end of Duke Nukem… forever.
Duke Nukem Forever First Impressions
Duke Nukem Forever is FINALLY being released in a little over a Week. So what can we learn from the Demo?
Duke Nukem Demo
Handsome Tom and Camera Man Joe walk through the new Duke Nukem Forever Demo. Are you ready to get some?
Duke Nukem Forever Demo Date Announced
It’s time for another special message from Gearbox President Randy Pitchford.
Listen to Duke Nukem Devs Talk Environments, Textures
Wherein the finer points of game design are discussed. It’s significantly more mature than you would think.
Duke Nukem Forever Review
Posted By Yousif A. about 11 months, 1 week ago
Duke Nukem Forever Review
Duke Nukem Forever is an age 18 rated game. The 18 year olds of today were 6 when Duke Nukem Forever was announced in 1998. These very same people were 4 when Duke Nukem 3D came out in 1996. So, in the mid-nineties these children were far too concerned with custard and jumping to give a damn about this now legendary announcement. It’s more than likely that the only knowledge these people have of Duke comes from the ramblings of us old people who won’t shut up about a game that never happened. These people will now get to play Duke Nukem and see what all the fuss was about. We old people should get ready to do a lot of apologizing.
| PROS | It came out! Actually quite a funny game at times, loads of interactive asides, (boobs everywhere) |
| CONS | This could take awhile… loading times from the past, dated everything, boring gameplay, poor design, sinking feeling of shallowness |
| WTF?! | Wall boobs that you can slap! |
The game starts at the end, the end of Duke Nukem 3D that is. Your tutorial is actually the final boss section from the last game, which when defeated, turns out to just be a game that Duke was playing while women were doing naughty things to him. Soon you discover that the aliens have returned after 12 years apparently in peace. After being told by the president not to engage the enemy, the aliens bring the fight to you and while they are at it steal all the beautiful ladies too. That’s pretty much it for the plot, prepare to shoot aliens and get back the women.
Duke seems to be in no rush to get started. The opening section of the game drags on for quite some time. Traveling from your pent house suite, players get to experience the life of Duke, interacting with random objects and watching people climb over the place to get to you. The first time you do all of this, it’s actually quite funny. Should you have to do this all again however (like me and my corrupting save file), the novelty wears off quickly.
And that’s pretty much the line that can sum up the whole game, ‘wears off quickly’. DNF is a load of ideas crammed into one under finished article and the joy of finally getting your hands on the title dissipates within the hour. When you finally get to combat, your fists and throwing objects are your only form of attack. This is kind of fun, but the enemies are so few and far between that you wonder when anything is going to happen. After some mild drug abuse, you finally get your hands on a gun and everything goes downhill from there.
Either he is really big or Duke is really tiny.
While we’re on the subject of guns, let me start by saying something I never thought I’d have to when it comes to Duke: shooting a gun in DNF is not a gratifying experience. Apart from the shotgun, none of the weapons presented in the game feel like they have any kick to them. Moreover, of all the weapons in your arsenal, the majority of them either chew through ammo, have too little ammunition, or outright feel redundant in design and function. Hell, even the devastator – an automatic rocket launcher with 60 shot – feels like it does nothing exciting as you strike your enemies with it. And when you do manage to down an enemy with a gun, you are rewarded with one of two different flavors of disappointment. Either you get to watch the enemy rag doll haphazardly in a way not seen since the PS2, or you get showered in meaty chunks which are about as well rendered as those from a PS1-generation game. It seems in their dedication to make the game a call back to the older days of Duke, the team behind DNF forgot to bring gun-based combat into this generation.
Unlike others, I don’t so much mind the absence of the weapon wheel. However, as a design choice that may prove annoying to players, it is worth mentioning. In DNF, players are limited to carrying around two weapons at once, and have the choice to substitute which ones occupy one of the available slots. Personally, I don’t think this is a terrible way to play. However, my problem lies in the fact that limiting players to only two gun choices seems just one too short. With the shotgun never leaving your care (if you have any sense), the second slot will almost always be reserved for something long range and mildly effective, reducing the weapons with less obvious application to redundancy and obscurity. One extra slot, and the shrink ray or any number of other weapons may have gotten some usage outside of the immediate gratification found in their nostalgia.
Once you actually get into combat, though, these gun shenanigans are the least of your problems. Your “Ego” bar represents your health in Duke, and it functions à la Halo 2. This means that a recharging system is in place, and ducking into cover will see you back to tip top fighting condition in moments. A fine idea in principle, which DNF makes sure to ruin in practice. Seeing no fun in just making your weapons largely ineffectual, the design team has littered the game with enemies that almost entirely deplete Duke’s Ego in one or two swipes, turning the battlefield into one big game of “take cover!” Spoiler: being in cover is not fun.
After 12 years this guy still can't stop the circle strafe
You can extend the period you can spend out of cover by permanently boosting your Ego. To do this, you will need to explore the world and take part in one of many interactive sections scattered though the game. These range from making popcorn in a microwave, to beating the high score on a pinball machine, to looking at yourself in the mirror, to slapping a random pair of alien boobs hanging on the wall. As you can imagine, many of these little health boosters are easily overlooked, but for me, finding them makes up the most enjoyable part of the game. (Did I really just say that side quests make up the most enjoyable part of a Duke Nukem game!?) Honestly, finding a hidden Ego boost is actually quite fun. In one section, you even get to play air hockey, and while the controls may be terrible, it’s better than being involved in that god awful combat.
It could almost be said that the Ego boosts are the one well executed part of the game, if it wasn’t for the fact you have to look for them in a world designed behind blindfolds. Really, it has been a long while since I have seen such poor level design. Not only does this game host one of the worst cases of pop-up textures in the UT3 engine wheelhouse, but when the textures do load, the game makes you wish they would go away again. DNF is ugly in a pre-2007 kind of way. When the 360 was first released, this would have been a good look at what the console was capable of in its early stages, but now it’s just hideous. I’ll admit that every now and again the game surprises you, and pulls out some really sporadic quality, almost like it had been spit-polished in certain places. But far and few between a visually enjoyable game does not make. I does make you wonder what the team was up to when you realise that the naked women are the best rendered models in the game. Perhaps if they put that kind of effort into the rest of the game we would have a winner on our hands.
Prepare to spend a lot of time on turrets and not enjoy any of it
It’s not just the graphics that are sub-par. The actual layouts for the levels are from another time, and as a hint, that time is not the future. 90% of the game is made up of dull, lifeless environments that grind away your very soul. The flow of DNF is never smooth, and the whole experience feels rather disjointed at times. The underground level is a perfect example of boring design, full of lifeless corridors with repetitive pseudo-puzzles and well hidden unintentionalpit-traps. Half the time, it’s not even clear which way you should be going. Walk off the beaten path and you’ll only be treated to bad lighting and possible instant death. The joke on the loading screens which had me chuckling along with the game – ‘if you fall of a high ledge and die, it’s probably your fault’ – becomes less funny when you realize it’s really not.
Speaking of loading screens, I hope you like them. It’s a good thing that the 12 year wait for the game taught Duke fans patience, as consumers of this title are going to need it. When Half-Life was released in 1998 (the year this game was announced), there were loading times roughly every 10 minutes of gameplay, which took maybe 5 seconds to complete depending on your PC. DNF makes sure to pay homage to the year it was announced, and has loading times every 10 minutes, all of which take around a minute or two to finish. And if you die (and you’ll die), expect to see these loading times again. It’s simply inexcusable, especially considering the pop-up that then occurs every time the game comes back into existence.
So after all of these complaints, is there anything positive to say about the game? Not really, I could go on about how the driving sections are terrible, the variety of enemies is criminally small, etc, but it seems pointless. I will, however, step up to defend a rather contentious element of DNF. A large number of reviewers, journalists and other commenters have questioned the themes, and the crassness of the humor presented in the game. That, to me, is like shooting fish in a barrel labelled “shoot the fish in this barrel.” Yes, the game makes fun of subjects that may be a little touchy, but knowing what Duke Nukem was, and for that matter, strives to be, people should have been prepared for that going in. Viewed as the base, but self-aware humor that it is, the game’s array of political incorrectitude is actually done in pretty good jest, in my opinion. In fact, I’ll go out of my way to say that I laughed out loud at some of the jokes.
Don't draw a willy, don't draw a willy, don't draw a….
And that’s truthfully the best part about DNF, for me: the humor. Jon St John returns as the voice actor from Duke Nukem 3D, and does a great job of getting the cheesy one liners just right. Sly humor about Christian Bale, the Halo series and more innuendos than you can shake an erotically shaped stick at litter the game. It almost makes up for the problems. For all the mistakes in the game, you can never claim that the developers got Duke’s personality wrong. One small gripe even in this department, however, is the frequency with which Duke spouts his cheesy one-liners (read: at every possible opportunity). Some of the gravitas of his character is lost due to this over-use, which also stops any of the new one-liners from becoming all too memorable.
Ultimately, after 12 years of waiting for a game that at many points looked like it would never come out, DNF turned out to be an utter disappointment. With only a few redeeming qualities – none of them fully realized - the game will likely become more of a joke than its production time. I don’t doubt for a second that it was the troubled lead-up to release that lead the game to be so jilted and confused, but that’s no excuse for the $60/£40 price mark attached to the disc. My only hope is that Gearbox can now start a new Duke Nukem project from the ground-up and get the game completed in one run. That is, if this experience didn’t damage the legend beyond redemption. I mean, this title wasn’t just bad, it was heart breaking. If it wasn’t for the fact this is a Duke Nukem game, I would have stopped playing and returned it after the first few hours.
And it’s on that note that no other review badge will do for this game but Legendary. This is a title that has been talked about for over a decade, been in the media spot light more times than I can count, and seen the end of the studio that set out to create it. It will live on in memory for years to come. This is the bad game everyone will mention. DNF is the game that everyone told those once-6 year old children about, helping to boost its status (and no doubt sales) so high that the let down can only be described as… well… legendary.
At least we still have Serious Sam!
This game was purchased on the PS3 by the reviewer from his local game store. He regrets this, and wants his money back. Seriously. The game was played for roughly 10 hours on multiple difficultly settings, and was completed. There is a multiplayer mode that was not played.
2/10
Duke Nukem Boobs Trailer Trash
Yep, we know that everyone has to wait again for Duke.....assholes... but they gave us this trailer full of boobies and we also show the funny vid they did for the announcement of the date being pushed back.Duke Nukem Forever First Impressions
Duke Nukem Forever is FINALLY being released in a little over a Week. So what can we learn from the Demo?Duke Nukem Demo
Handsome Tom and Camera Man Joe walk through the new Duke Nukem Forever Demo. Are you ready to get some?Duke Nukem is AWESOME! ...but his game is AWFUL!
We went into this episode with a LOT of bias. Bias that was in FAVOR of the Duke Nukem Forever. Watch as our excitement turns into confusion then to anger, and finally depression. This is a sad day for gaming, and the possible end of Duke Nukem... forever.Sage Reviews: Duke Nukem Forever
Only Duke Nukem can be in a game so underwhelming, and still be so cool.Duke Nukem Forever Angry Review
After many delays, rewrites, and graphical upgrades Angry Joe finally releases his review for Duke Nukem Forever. Should you always bet on Duke?Duke Nukem Sketch Master
Orlando gives us this week's Duke Nukem and Babes!- August 02, 2011 at 10:56am
12 year production?
I don’t buy it. I honestly thought this game felt rushed out. Are we sure that 3D Realms actually left Gearbox Studios anything to work with beyond a series of half-assed concepts based on shooter fads before the studio shut down? That’s the only way i can explain pathetic weapon variation with no impact, the utterly bizarre tonal shift when Duke enters an alien hive, and the fact that there seem to be some environmental glitches that instantly kill you. The game performs worse than the original Halo for fucks sake. If you held it to standards from 2004 it might look like the shit, but this is 2011 and it tries to mock games that have far surpassed it. Dear God… it’s actually making me look back on Halo 3 and think of it’s story campaign positively. I need to start saving up for Crysis 2…
- June 27, 2011 at 01:57am
The Mainstream gaming media , the critics, and pro gamers can stuff it. Their opinions are made to make them look cool.
- August 01, 2011 at 01:20am
You Duke fantards never cease to amuse me with your delicious tears. Opinions when it comes to videogames are made to inform you uninformed basement dweller,not to make anybody look cool. The real idiots around here are the little children defending a terrible shitty game and attacking others for speaking the truth.
Don’t worry though because retarded reviewers such as PC Gamer who clearly have their nostalgic glasses set on too tightly and have never played a great FPS in their entire lives are giving this pile of festering feces unjustified inflated scored.
Buyer’s remorse?
And to Kenny F. Dude you need to buy yourself a clue. Halo like it or not will be remembered fondly while DNF will not. Get over it and quit liking a butthurt fan.
The PC Gamer review is nothing but complete and utter bullshit. In what fucking universe is this former king of vaperware deserving of such a generous score.
At least you are nowhere near as braindead as Wesker500 over at Deivantart who constantly has Chris Redfield killed by the Duke when Duke is not man enough to be holding his jock.
I could only imagine what would happen if Spoony reviews this game.
To all of the Duke Nukem supporters,go play a REAL videogame.
- June 23, 2011 at 11:32am
I think that reviewers questioning the crassness and attitude of this game just shows how much the industry and gaming culture has gotten over gross-out humor and objectifying women. Especially that last part, I mean these days people can find porn within a 2 second internet search, so now it’s just annoying to have pseudo-porn in entertainment. It’s just part of what makes this game so very dated.
- June 21, 2011 at 05:30pm
I expected more from you Angry Joe! A 2/10? I agree that there needs to be way more enemies… the game isn’t running on Unreal 3 its using Unreal 2.5 and you are playing the Xbox version =x really bad load times. The game runs way faster on PC with 5 second load times and a bit better looking visuals.
The overall game is nothing like you reviewed lol, the game is decent and can be engaging.
Bad Angry joe bad! you mke me really mad!… hey that rymed.
- June 22, 2011 at 07:28am
Your one confused puppy! This is my review. If you want to see Angry Joe’s then you need to head on over to his video review. It currently is displayed in the links at the top of the website.
Just because we both have sweet facial hair and my name translated into English technically is Joseph, doesn’t mean we are one and the same!
- June 20, 2011 at 02:37am
“At least we still have Serious Sam!”
That’s what I thought when I realised how crappy the new Duke Nukem game is. - June 18, 2011 at 01:32pm
To me, it’s okay at best, I don’t think it’s that terrible nor that amazing, it’s just okay.
- June 17, 2011 at 05:59am
I don’t care how bad it is I want to play it, can’t wait for it to hit the bargain bin…
How long til Joe’s review is up, that would be hilarious xD - June 17, 2011 at 02:23am
i paid 67 euros for this shit and pre-ordered it i played it once never touching it again i rather see how the duke nukem next-gen ends up atleast it’s free and it uses better graphics engine and it is hopefully old school shooting game… but here’s the problem i have somewhat somesort code of ethics never throwing a game away but i really want to return this monstrosity and get my money back or atleast a better game for it help me to make a choice people but thumbs up for this comment if you think i should just return the damn thing and thumbs down if you think i should just keep it
- June 17, 2011 at 02:19am
What in world is a Duke Nukem?…
Yeah…I am one of those people who was 5 years-old when Duke Nukem 3D was a thing. But, I did do my homework before getting into Duke Nukem Forever, and…yeah no, the game is still a disappointment. I figured that it was mostly the hardcore fans who were at the age of reason in 1995 that were let down by the game, but judging by the fact that I have no real past experience with Duke, no… Its mediocre for everyone. Sad day.
Also, people really criticized the game for crude humor and content? Really?! Hm, I didn’t know people still lived under rocks nowadays… - June 16, 2011 at 07:01pm
I was told this was a Duke Nukem Forever review, but a lot of what’s being described doesn’t match the copy of Duke Nukem Forever I’m playing right now. Anyone have Cole Phelps’ number?
- June 16, 2011 at 05:47pm
I haven’t played this game, but I have seen a lot of gameplay footage. I have played Duke Nukem 3D though. And I kind of understand where this review comes in. I’m not going to argue the score, or the review, I’m going to argue where game falls over in my eyes.
The Duke is Bad Ass. He always was, and is always… supposed to be. But from what I’ve seen in the combat in this game makes me doubt that. I know everyone in this generation are used to and love their practical and common sense cover based combat, and I agree, yes… It has it’s fundamental place in games these days to remind people they’re not walking lead fridges. But Duke Nukem IS a walking lead fridge. As I said before, he’s Bad Ass. And while letting him be a bullet sponge may be a bit silly, why not let him do Bad Ass things, like take cover with him. That is to say, in some awesome non-Splinter Cell way, take an alien hostage, blow a hole in its chest and use it as cover while shooting through just made hole in chest. THAT is Duke Nukem. Taking cover to then bust out from it guns blazing while running across the room to the next cover, rather than running behind chest high walls, THAT is Duke Nukem. (er, I’ll say it now, I’m not sure if this game actually has a cover system or not. I hope it doesn’t. Cover systems aren’t Bad Ass).
And in case my point wasn’t made, apart from scripted moments, this game isn’t Bad Ass, apart from some of the one liners. The weapons aren’t all that Bad Ass, Duke doesn’t fight Bad Ass, the levels aren’t Bad Ass, the game doesn’t seem to be Bad Ass. This is where it all came apart for me. They forgot who the Duke was, and just remembered his personality.
- June 19, 2011 at 12:58am
I’m sorry but you invalid your comment with your only opening saying “I haven’t played this game” I’m sick people taking the reviewers side when they haven’t even played the game and not coming up with there own opinion
- June 22, 2011 at 05:21pm
Okay, fair enough. Perhaps I should change it to “I won’t play this game until it’s in the bargain bin.” I’ve seen others play it, both online and at a friends house now, and I wasn’t impressed. You don’t need hands on experience to know if a game will be disappointing or not, you just need to see it be played.
- June 16, 2011 at 04:25pm
did not mean to reply to you Threeshades clicked on the wrong button sorry.
- June 16, 2011 at 04:10pm
Also loading times seemed more than civil to me. For most games I played, the loading screens last much longer than for this one. It just takes a few seconds. I don’t know, maybe something’s wrong with the Console versions.
- June 16, 2011 at 04:03pm
I also don’t get the hate. Yeah the graphics are definitely dated, I guess that comes with such a development time.
But the combat isn’t half as bad as its being made out to be. I think its fun. Its a mix of dodging and taking cover while shooting back. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Most of the time I just see the two extremes ewach on their own in other game. Either it’s always sticking in cover or it’s always circlestrafing. DNF actually presents a mix.
Also the guns feel quite alright, there’s nothing wrong with those in my book. I honestly don’t understand what the point is in that critique.And holy crap don’t start me on comparing this to serious sam. I played only the first serious sam game (“HD” version) and THAT game sucked beyond my belief. It was ugly (for any time, for its own and now; and looking at the classic version, that’s also ugly), the level design was NON-EXISTENT; only one corridor after another and then a big open field, sometimes with an obstacle or two. Combat was nothing but holding down the fire button and one of the strafe buttons. And that for several minutes until the flood of idiotically bad designed enemies finally died off, so you could proceed to the next area wehre you could A+LMB your next wave of ugly enemies away. It gets old extremely fast, and tedious even faster.
In DNF you at least have something else to do than just strafe and shoot all the time and their enemy waves aren’t so huge that it becomes nothing but tedious. They know when to stop and let you move the hell on.
Yeah you got me started. I spent 5 euros on Serious Sam 1 and 2 in both HD and classic when they were on sale on steam, and after playing not even completely through the first one I wanted my money back.But DNF? Yeah I can see myself playing all the way trhough it. I don’t think it’s a bad game. At the very worst I think its an average game, in which case i can understand people being disappointed after waiting 12 years. But on it’s own merit it’s no less than average. And it’s DEFINITELY A HELL OF A LOT BETTER THAN SERIOUS SAM <_<
- June 16, 2011 at 05:51pm
I think he was referring to the Serious Sam that’s still in development, NOT the Serious Sams that are already out and available on the market.
- June 20, 2011 at 01:26pm
While I am not going to point out the irony of hating Serious Sam for being a shooter where you shoot things, nor that the ever classic Doom could be summed up in the same description you gave SS, I am indeed talking about the new Serious Sam.
http://www.blisteredthumbs.net/2011/06/serious-sam-3-bfe-trailer/
If you don’t like the look of this, you have forgotten what ‘entertainment’ means.
I do find it upsetting that you disliked the Serious Sam HD Re-makes so much. These games hold a special place in my heart and it’s sad to see someone have the opposite reaction. Thanks for your comments. Glad you found some enjoyment out of DNF.
- June 16, 2011 at 10:50am
Whether you love or hate the game, one thing we can all agree upon is that this should have never been a full price game. It’s a budget title at best no matter how long it’s been in development.
- June 16, 2011 at 10:46am
The graphical quality didnt concern me (too much)..i play many retro games and even Duke3D on XBLive still to this day.The tradmark Duke brand of humour is fine with me aswell..i knew full well what i was getting into.For all it’s faults the one thing DNF does well is silly purile humour.
To me its the level design; Boring, linear, disjointed layouts.There is no exploration or hardly any secret areas that Duke3D had.You will rarely confront more than 2 or 3 aliens at once.Jetpack where art thou??
These and loads more niggling factors. - June 16, 2011 at 05:37am
I legitimately do not know why this game is getting so much hate. Anyone who played Duke Nukem 3D whould have known what to expect, and I feel at least, that it was delivered. The accusations of it being a Halo clone are just ridiculous. A rechargable health bar + only carrying 2 weapons do not by themselves a Halo clone make. It plays more like Duke Nuken 3D than any Halo game I have ever played, and yes I am actually about to say this next part, I had more fun with the gunfights in DNF than I did in any of the Halo games. (haven’t played the multiplayer yet so can’t comment on that) but so far I would actually give the game a 7 or an 8 out of 10.
- June 16, 2011 at 04:23am
I have to disagree about the humor. In my opinion lines like ‘stick him in your hot pocket’ are not cheesy or funny, they are at best juvenile and at worst the kind of humor where no one is laughing.
- June 16, 2011 at 06:33am
So you didn’t like the humor in DN3D, too? Because it’s actually almost the same. It’s ok if you didn’t like it but it’s naive to expect anything else.
On another note : I don’t think this game is material for a 7 or 8 out of ten in ANY way. More a 4 or 5.
- June 16, 2011 at 02:50pm
I actually didn’t play the original Duke Nukem games until recently in preparation for this one. I didn’t really like the humor but my main complaint isn’t about the maturity, it’s about the lack of anything clever in the humor. Most of it really feels like a few teenagers on a bus wrote it. Thirteen years, so much money and so many ways they could have gone and this was really the best they could write? I won’t say I could do much better, I’m not good at humor but I will say that there are many writers who could have done a much better job.
- June 16, 2011 at 03:17pm
Nah, you just don’t get what’s funny about this sort of humor. And I don’t blame you. If it wasn’t Duke spitting those one-liners it wouldn’t get a chuckle out of me.
Voice + character + stupid one-liners = win. It’s like Arnold’s best days when everything was simpler.
If you start writing clever puns into a Duke game it just isn’t Duke.I mean “Rest in pieces!!!” That’s not funny. Not at all.
*Duke blows an alien to bits and grumbles : Rest in pieces!* Now here we gow…
- June 16, 2011 at 02:15am
Simply heartbreaking… i used to LOVE DN:3D back in the day.. but wow… i think this should be the last game in the series.. EVERY other DN game has sucked.. this is the nail in the coffin..
- June 15, 2011 at 10:28pm
I think a 2 is honestly fair. This game was in development for 13 years and what did we get? A bad Halo clone with boobs. It shows that basically the first 12 years of dev. time got thrown out and around 2010 someone said “People still foam at the mouth for Halo right? Lets slap Duke into a crappy clone, those feebs will buy it up cause it’s Duke Nukem Forever; it has titties AND it plays like Halo. It’s a lowest common denominator masterpiece!”
Yes The Duke has some good lines and there’s some laughs to be had, but a little bit of humor does not a good game make. When I can sit here and say I’d rather play Halo (and I HATE Halo), the developers have failed in a big way.
- June 15, 2011 at 10:55pm
Dude, let go of the Halo fixation, it’s giving the PR department at Bungie bad vibes.
- June 16, 2011 at 12:10pm
In fact in your over eager over simplification you got if all wrong. My knowledge in DNF production history might not be encyclpoedic, but still I can see the claer line of thought that brought us this.
After series of production setbacks (i remember 2 or 3 instances of them anouncing they have changed graphics engine), the game fell unde the radar between 2001 and 2004.
Actual game development is suspected to have stopped before 2004 when the last new screenshots were published.
3D Realms were conning Take Two Interactive for money for DNF production till 3D Realms fell apart.
In 2009 Take Two interactive sued then allready defunked 3D Realms for money and rights to everything DNF related (and probably the whole franchise). They won the lawsut in early 2010.
The wanted to salvage something of the millions of dollars allready sunk into this doomed project by assigning it to Gearbox and giving them 1 year and a half to finish (witch is incredibly short time to develop a good game).
That said, I don’t defend the state the game apparently is ( i have spent my recent gaming money on a game that is actually good, and set this one on my waiting list). If I was defending anyone in this case it’d be Gearbox, that was cought in this and did probably their best to transform this 2002 game in to something a bit more 2011 ish – and finish it – in such short time. - June 15, 2011 at 09:33pm
I don’t get why most people are SO harsh on this game. I respect everyone’s own opinion. But this game is mediocre. Nothing more (oh no) but nothing less. It has some real stupid mindless fun moments. Most of the one liners are funny. Some are really stupid but that’s the minority.
The graphics are mediocre, the gameplay is mediocre, everything is just average. A 2 / 10 is not average, it’s abysmal. And that is way too harsh.
I don’t even get why everyone had high expectations. A game that – and I quote – “is a title that has been talked about for over a decade, been in the media spot light more times than I can count, and seen the end of the studio that set out to create it” can’t be good. And it went through god knows how many builds and developer teams. How can THAT become a good game? - June 16, 2011 at 12:26pm
People are being so harsh on it because it was released at full price in 2011. The humour isn’t very funny because there’s little wit, it’s just reference. Epic Movie/Disaster Movie/Meet the Spartans, they did the same thing, confused reference with jokes…they are not the same.
The Christian Bale reference was pretty funny because it was satirical and took place at an appropriate location, the one liners that Duke spouts often make little sense in any context that could make them funny, and are delivered poorly.
Most importantly, the game is a chore to play. It feels clunky and unsatisfying, everything is weightless and the graphics are late PS2 era with a slight upgrade. This should have been a $15 or £10 downloadable title, to release this mess at full price is almost criminal. - June 15, 2011 at 09:16pm
I hate this game more than I’ve ever hated any other game I’ve played. I legitmately feel full on seething hatred for this game. This is without a doubt the worst FPS I’ve ever played, and damn near the worst game I’ve ever played. A 2 is too fucking nice.
- June 15, 2011 at 08:33pm
I wouldn’t exactly be that harsh. Odd that some games I love are viewed by critics as mediocre or just good (Fragile Dreams, for instance, is a 6 most places, where I place it as an 8 or 9). Odds are, I will find myself having fun with this game, regardless of all of this. I can always let a game’s style carry me through the substance if it’s the right frame of mind.
But even for some of the more infuriating design choices, I do hope that Gearbox comes out with an enhanced edition and improves on a lot of things a la Hydrophobia Pure and Prophecy. It might not be as easy or cheap to do so, but I think that, given just a bit more polish (and yes, despite it’s long development time, if it had a bit more, it might improve things), then I think that Duke Nukem Forever may not be nearly as bad as people make it out to be. Maybe I am in denial, but for all intents and purposes, I just don’t dislike this game as much as most of you guys say.
- June 15, 2011 at 08:51pm
I’m in the same camp as you on this one. Although I fully support Yousif’s right to have his own opinion, my time with Duke has led me to assign it a 5 on the BT Scale, as I feel it is thoroughly average. It’s good, stupid fun, that doesn’t move the genre or gaming forward one iota. If it wasn’t called Duke Nukem I doubt it would have been so venomously received, but maybe it’s just me.
- June 15, 2011 at 10:53pm
I’m with you guys on this one. I’m playing through it, and I’m having a schlocky good time, just like I did with Splatterhouse despite the fact critics panned it. I really think that the whole “12 years in development” expectation should be left behind at the door because honestly, no game will ever survive that amount of hype, and it will leave critics suuuuuuuper bitter about it not being the holy grail of gaming. The 12-year-hype should have gone out the window when the project traded hands and was given to Gearbox, honestly, as they are the ones who had to finish the game. I’m honestly enjoying the game, and I would give it a 7. I’m not nearly close to being done, and I have a lot more notes to write for my own review on CheshireCatStudios.com. Plus come on dude, not to call you out, but why did you review the game without reviewing the multiplayer?
- June 16, 2011 at 12:00am
I’ll hop in the same boat as you guys. I love this game (and for this reason people look at me like I’m diseased or something). I also love Splatterhouse and don’t really get why it was blasted in the reviews, sure it has it’s flaws, but so does every single other game out there. No such thing as a perfect game.
Anyway, back to DNF. I threw all the hype out the window and bought this expecting nothing more than a fun Duke Nukem game, and that’s what I got. The single player feels like an old school FPS with all the platforming and puzzles, and that’s how I like it, and non of the over scripted crap like CoD. Multiplayer is super fun and reminds me of Quake 3 and Unreal Tournament. The load times on PS3 are a bit long, but other than that I have nothing bad to say about this game. To sum it up a quote from the Master of Kick assery himself,
“Hail to the King, Baby!”
- June 16, 2011 at 03:50am
What really nailed home the score for me (outside of the obvious) is the comparisons I can make to recent games. Take Brink for example, I would rate the game around a 5. It was average, with some good ideas badly implemented and every now and again you would find some fun within the mess that the game turned out to be.
If I stack DNF up against Brink (same genre), I have to say that DNF falls far short of the mark. I thought long and hard about the score, starting at around a 4. However, during my writing I realised that I had nothing positive to say when I put my thoughts down on paper. This meant rapid degeneration into the 2 that was given.
I do however, totally except that everyone has their own opinion and they are free to give whatever score they so wish, should they be able to justify and defend their position. Which is why I found the score that PC Gamer gave of 80% a bit difficult to swallow considering that when the writer broke down his pros and cons in the comments page, it didn’t add up.
I love conflicting views on a game and like discussing them with people. I would like to feel that I explained in my writing why the score was what it was and I hope anyone with a different point of view could do the same. That or it’s just one of those games, you know the ones I mean, the terrible ones that for some reason you just love. Jedi Power Battles would be a great example for me.
Peace out.
- June 16, 2011 at 06:32am
Comparing it to newer games probably is a little redundant. The game was in development for almost 15 years of course it’s not gonna hold up. Think of it this way, what would you have thought if the game came out in time?
- June 16, 2011 at 07:05am
If this came out in 1998 I would have shat myself with awe at the graphics, however, I probably would have still pointed out that Half-Life was a better game!
While the production time was unfortunate, I have to review the game compared against its peers. Score determination shifts with every new game that comes out. For example: Cover mechanics were seen as the pinnacle of the 3rd person shooter when they were first used (technically in Killswitch), but now they are generally seen as a tediously over used or just something that should come with a game of the genre.
Duke Nukem got left behind. It’s why I end the review hoping for a future title that comes out quickly.
- June 16, 2011 at 11:08am
I’m sorry, but if you charge full price for a game, said game deserves to be compared to similarly priced games. If they didn’t want it to be judged versus better/newer games, they should have priced it accordingly.
That said, Yousif was WAY harsh. I’d've given it a 3 :p
Also I have to give props to the use of the Legendary recommendation. Few IPs will ever go down in history like this one did.
- June 16, 2011 at 12:36pm
Even bog standard shooters like Timeshift, Call of Juarez and even such dreck as Haze released nowadays are better than Duke Nukem – they feel better, play better, look better. The only thing they don’t have is the so-called humour of Duke, and that simply wasn’t funny to me. It could have been, but mindless reference with no context or wit behind it is nails on a chalk board for me.
Duke has to be labelled as below average because average games nowadays completely blow it out the water. Play Painkiller for an old school FPS experience…five or six years old but better than this full priced 2011 release by leaps and bounds.
You simply can’t pretend that 14 years of progress and refinement have happened to excuse Duke Nukem Forever’s complete failure, there are better and cheaper alternatives available. - June 16, 2011 at 12:41pm
Since I played neither Brink nor DNF I have to go by the things rewievers said. And both Angry Joe and Guru Larry shot the game to pieces (one more than the others) – while it did have some good ideas the game had AR (artificial retardedness), nothing works, textures load long time, bad texures, nothing works as intntended, incredibly bad net coding (huge lag).
Greatest pro on the part of Joe (Larry didn’t fing any pros) was it’s stryle.
Is DNF really that much worse? - June 15, 2011 at 07:01pm
I played through the first 3:30 hours before I returned it, and here’s my mini review.
The goodz: Shooting aliens is fun, I found the jokes to be quit funny. (When Duke was the one saying them.)
The Oh’noz: Load times are to long for comfort, too much getting in the way of shooting aliens, The driving and platforming segments are tedious and boring, 12 years does not make good graphics.
- June 15, 2011 at 05:31pm
Wow, I did not want to believe it but… oh my god,this is not good. I don’t even know what to say to this.
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Duke Nukem Forever Angry Review
After many delays, rewrites, and graphical upgrades Angry Joe finally releases his review for Duke Nukem Forever. Should you always bet on Duke?
Sage Reviews: Duke Nukem Forever
Only Duke Nukem can be in a game so underwhelming, and still be so cool.
Duke Nukem is AWESOME! ...but his game is AWFUL!
We went into this episode with a LOT of bias. Bias that was in FAVOR of the Duke Nukem Forever. Watch as our excitement turns into confusion then to anger, and finally depression. This is a sad day for gaming, and the possible end of Duke Nukem… forever.
Duke Nukem Forever First Impressions
Duke Nukem Forever is FINALLY being released in a little over a Week. So what can we learn from the Demo?
Duke Nukem Demo
Handsome Tom and Camera Man Joe walk through the new Duke Nukem Forever Demo. Are you ready to get some?
Listen to Duke Nukem Devs Talk Environments, Textures
Wherein the finer points of game design are discussed. It’s significantly more mature than you would think.
Duke Nukem Forever Trailer and Developer Podcast
I can’t show you the boobs, but you’re allowed to see the gameplay.
Listen to Duke Nukem Forever Devs Discuss Series History
Hear the story of the series and character directly from the mouths of the people in charge of his new game.
To spehssmahreei:
Preach it, brother, preach it!
And I love how these people are down thumbing us for supporting Duke Nukem. Like, I’m sorry, but I don’t find Metal of Honour or Call of Duty (and please tell me how they’re different in any way except for title and developer), I’ll probably be down thumbed for that, but stick up for a game I did love and I still get down thumbed. Hypocracy is not democracy people.
To Chainsawgrizzi:
I agree with you. The game has been in development for 14 long years (which they themselves make fun of in game and in the timestamp they provide as well) Had this game been released 13 or 12 years ago, we would’ve chalked it up as a masterpiece, had moved on 2 years later with the memories of it in our hearts and today still be hyped for Saints Row the 3rd and the Persona 4 anime.
But now? We’re so damn spoiled, and don’t any deny that. We basically demand that our FPS games follow a certain basic formula for the Single Player campaign and have everything awesome and exciting for the mutliplayer. Here’s the thing guys: games like Duke Nukem, 14 years ago, were all about providing the best singleplayer over the multiplayer. Back then we played our game, played it through a few more times with whatever handicaps we wanted to give ourselves and then let it sit on our shelves collecting dust.
You know… thinking back to those days… I miss the games we had in the late 90′s to mid 2000… That was quality gaming there.
I think you just have to keep this game in perspective. It went through over 10 years of development so there’s no way it can live up to the hype. They just wanted to get it out and made, and maybe recover some of the cost. I think a lot of reviewers got sucked into the hype to some degree and that’s why a lot of reviewers blasted the crap out of the game.
Is it game of the year? God no. Is it the flaming goat turd many people say it is? Not really Its just….average I guess. While I regret pre-ordering this, I’m just happy they got this out of their systems so they can start with a clean slate and give Duke the game he deserves!
if you hate dnf, then you’re just not playing it right; especially if you were a fan of the original duke games. and i’m not talking about skill at all; when you say that the game is bad, you’re just doing it wrong; when you say that duke is outdated, you’re just doing it wrong; if you are highly skilled at duke nukem forever, then you may or may not be doing it wrong, but if you are confused by this, you will never do it right.
Awww how adorable. Duke satirizing Call of Duty, Halo, Doom, and Team Fortress 2,superior videogames. It could have worked if only DNF didn’t suck. Just when I thought that I had heard the last of this meathead,I am proven wrong.
If I wanted TF2 parodies,I’d youtube it,not waste money on this last ditch effort on justifying DNF’s existence. I suppose the poor poor deluded fanboys who think all the reviewers are stupid,claim that we just don’t get Duke’s appalling lack of humor, and will defend this disaster to the bitter end will be rushing out to throw away even more of their cash.
Heavy: “Who touched my gun?”
Spy -points to Duke manning his mimigun-
Heavy: -brutally kills him-
Scout: Bet on this -goes to town on his corpse with the bat-
You know it’s pretty fashionable to attack DNF now that people like the Sage, Angry Joe and a lot of the other major game reviewers have given it a bad rating. My take? I’ve played it a couple hours a day for over 5 days, and I found nothing wrong with it. I think the opinions of resolution and the like are based on console gaming, where I played it on a computer built for gaming and found nothing that was claimed in terms of graphics. The gameplay was just as good as any other title I’ve played and in terms of complaints I can respond to one of them:
The vehicle section of the game was tedious? Doesn’t anyone remember the vehicle section of Half-Life 2 anymore?
I’m here to change minds, I’m just saying it’s time to just cut some slack from the developers, and just wait for the next Duke game. With current references to poke fun of in the only way Duke knows best, it should be just as great as it used to be.
there is a lot wrong with duke nukem forever. and the reviewers really can’t say no to that. however, there is nothing the reviewers can say that wouldn’t sound stupid or fanboy to the fact that you are playing as duke fucking nukem, in the game that is outdated enough to fit his own style: he’s like the 80′s: most of the shit isn’t all that good when you actually think about it, but its just goddamn legendary because it’s just the goddamn 80′s, so shut up. if duke nukem had been a modern game, it just wouldn’t have been a duke nukem game. it’s like an inside joke; if you don’t get it, you just don’t fucking get it. i love it, and i’m not laughing at duke nukem the whole time or loving the game itself; i just fucking get it. lets just count how many people thumb down without replying, now, shall we?
This sounds like a multiplayer-exclusive DLC. Here’s my question: WHO THE CRAP PLAYS DNF’S MULTIPLAYER?
although i like dnf, (or more specifically, “dn”) i agree that, for the kind of game dnf is, multiplayer was a shit idea, and turned out how it should have.
Who the fuck would give more money to this game?
I don’t think a weapons pack DLC is gonna help very much at all..
“I think some of the reviews suck, and the reason I say that is because they gave Duke Nukem, like, 3 out of 10? To me? Unfair. Now of course I’m biased being the voice of Duke Nukem, and because I’ve played the game and I think it’s fucking awesome…
I don’t appreciate them comparing Duke Nukem to Call of Duty and other first-person shooters because that’s not what Duke Nukem is about! First of all, Modern Warfare games, that’s about killing other humans in a war-type situation. Duke Nukem, total fantasy. Saving hot babes from aliens–and you’re not killing humans, you’re killing aliens–and it’s so damn interactive. Come on, you can stop and play pinball, hit a punching bag, play air hockey, pick up a turd out of a toilet for God’s sake, take a leak in the urinal at the beginning of the game.
That’s what Duke Nukem is about. It’s funny, it’s raunchy, it’s sexy, and it’s violent all at the same time. So to give Duke low ratings because they want to compare it to other first-person shooter games, in my opinion, is unfair. And as I’ve written on twitter and Facebook a few times, you reviewers out there, frickin’ play Duke Nukem 3D first to understand what Duke’s about before reviewing the new game.”
-Jon St. John, when asked about the low scores on DNF
Can’t say I agree with all of that, but you can’t expect a title with a ton of hype behind it that becomes a decent-selling game with poor reviews to NOT have DLC/patches/add-ons. See: Brink.
Of course Jon St. John thinks it’s good, it’s probably the first game he’s played in 20 years. Though I’d question his perceptions of both “funny” and “sexy”.
I dunno, this DLC seems to add some well-needed multiplayer modes to liven up the multiplayer of DNF, which I’ve heard is very dry. Could be what it needs to live a little until they get the next game done.
They really making a DLC for Duke Nukem Forever…sure it sold well but that’s cuz people were curious even though we need it wouldn’t be all that good. Then Again Capcom makes UMvC3 making the whole buying MvC3 pointless and stupid, so whatever
is the dlc going to be free? that would be my only concern really for this game.
YOUR an inferior title >8P