After over 10 years since Parasite Eve 2, the series has reemerged in the form of The 3rd Birthday. Forgoing any elements that popularized the series in the PS1 days, this title misses the mark more times than I can count. I tend to look on the brighter side of things when it comes to reviewing games, but this is far and away the worst game I’ve ever reviewed during my time at Blistered Thumbs. What makes this game so disappointing and awful? Let’s dig in and find out.

The plot in this game deals with quite a few complicated elements, including time travel, the human soul, and alternate realities. The story had the potential to be pretty epic, however these elements are handled very sloppily. The main plot device is a new science called Overdive, which allows the user to travel back in time. Aya Brea uses this in order to defeat a new species wreaking havoc on New York called the Twisted. This is where the confusion begins.

Aya Brea is the main character, but outside of a reason to make a new game, the story never really explains why. The Twisted don’t have anything to do with other creatures she’s encountered before, from what I gather. The reason for the Twisted even existing is so ridiculous you’ll do a double take wondering if what you just heard was true. You’re also lead to believe that the Overdive works one way, then the game decides to change its mind without explaining. You’re left so befuddled that at one point you just choose to accept confusion as inevitable.

Maybe the biggest sin of the game is how it has almost nothing to do with the other two Parasite Eve games. Outside of the inclusion of Aya and Dr. Maeda (the Japanese scientist), this could almost be an entirely different game. The other titles in the series had survival horror elements that made for some psychologically thrilling gameplay. The 3rd Birthday just seems like another dumb shooter with the PE name slapped on. I’m sorry to say, but if you’re a fan of the series, then you’ll be disappointed.

The gameplay doesn’t help matters much either. 3rd Birthday looks to try and appeal to a wider audience with it’s third-person shooter gameplay. Each level throws you into a series of corridors in frantic run-and-gun action. It’s actually quite fun to start off as it’s easy to shoot enemies with the lock-on mechanic. Trying out new guns makes things a little interesting as you buy and level them up. However, the game never really changes things up and gets boring really fast.

For the most part, each of the six levels have you running from room to room gunning down waves of monsters. You clear a room and move on to the next. The overall design is so lazy and boring. You’ll also be fighting the same enemies throughout the whole game. There are only about a dozen or so different types in total, not counting bosses. Speaking of bosses, they’re a joke. Half of them you have to fight twice in a row, no doubt in attempts to pad the play time. Considering the game has no extras or multiplayer, this is a rather cheap way to add gameplay time.

There are, however, a few things that the game does to mix things up a bit. In a few battles you take control of vehicles that are, admittedly, quite amusing. You can also customize your weapons and Aya’s DNA to give added stat boosts in battle. These two elements are rather shallow though, and you’ll most likely not spend a significant amount of time maximizing them. You also have a gauge that progressively builds up that, when used, gives Aya super-human abilities that allow her to move and shoot much faster. Of all the game’s short-comings, the Overdive mechanic does make for a bit of fun in battle.